I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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