Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
