JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he thought i was a dude.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
