i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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