i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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