we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
