I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
