My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize