I'm sorry my penis didn't work
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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