highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My life is pants optional.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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