In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
