Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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