I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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