she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My dick has a subreddit
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
