everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
