I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize