what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
