yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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