i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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