Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
