are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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