She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
