I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
