i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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