i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
These tits shall not be calmed
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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