i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
