would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
