You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
