Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
