I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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