it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
