i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It's Friday. Sex?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
