I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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