I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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