My first STD was from a foam party
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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