I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
