Can i not drive my cunt home
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
