It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
