Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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