We won't sleep together?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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