it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
