just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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