sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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