So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
