told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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