And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
