She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize