You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
