You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
