idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
