dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
