I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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