Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize