I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
