I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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