In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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