found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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