Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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