I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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