are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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