DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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