A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
