So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
